Fibromyalgia Has Gotten a “Bad Rap” on This One
By Meshea Crysup, fibroLIFE© Founder
…the possibility of “fogging” also has caused me to experience extreme stage fright, which, anyone who knows me can tell you, is NOT me.
Recently, I have missed listening to and playing music, performing, learning new material, etc. I really do not like to learn new songs, or even practice old material, if I do not then perform them. However, having Fibromyalgia (FMS), it is hard, if not impossible, to commit to performances. Making things even more complicated is the fact that the possibility of “fogging” also has caused me to experience extreme stage fright, which, anyone who knows me can tell you, is NOT me. (Is it really just the fibro fog that has led to my fear? Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself…)
It just so happens I saw two of my doctors this week and the prescription was, (drumroll please) “You have to start playing music again for your own wellbeing.” Apparently playing, singing, performing, and writing since you were a very young child, then totally giving it up, is not mentally healthy. Something about, “…shutting down, discarding, and burying a huge part…” of who I am. (Of all people, you would think I would have figured this one out on my own! Maybe I knew…?)
So, after seeing the docs, I actually dug up files of songs I wrote in 2004 and 2005, files of Alix—one of my former students and dearest friends—and I practicing and singing, and some other “old stuff”. I have been listening to them, sharing some of them with both new and old friends, and have even had my guitar out to play a bit. There have been some tears, I will not deny, but most of them happy ones. In fact, the entire experience has been a positive one, except for the whole “old computer files are difficult” part. Admittedly, I have not figured out how in the world I am going to perform in spite of—as a part of—LIVING a fibroLIFE©. I am sure I cannot do so on a regular basis. However, I am going to sing and play for people again. I am going to write again as well.
My main take-away from this, however, has been a fact that I knew, but did not want to admit: Fibromyalgia—my fibroLIFE©--has gotten a “bad rap” on this one. While it is true that it makes embracing the singer/songwriter/musician part of myself difficult, the real reason I have totally suppressed that important part of myself really has nothing to do with FMS. It has just been easier to “blame” FMS than to face the real issue. It is time.
Naturally, having discovered this truth in my own fibroLIFE©, I felt compelled to share it with all of you. LIVING a fibroLIFE© is remarkably hard. No doubt, FMS effects many aspects of LIFE so completely that we have to greatly modify how we LIVE. However, for your own wellbeing, take a bit and ask yourself: Is there something I am blaming Fibromyalgia for in my LIFE because it is easier than facing the real issue?